81cents

My daughter has sewing class for two hours every Saturday morning. I make use of the time by going to the nearest Safeway and doing at least part of the weekly grocery shopping. Today, soda was on sale, so I filled my cart with that and a few other things we needed and checked out. There was a guy bagging the groceries, so the checker handed my reusable shopping bags to him. We proceeded with the checkout, me staring blankly at the tabloid headlines while she scanned and then telling her how many of each kind of soda I had. Then I was busy paying. The soda went in the cart. Then the bags went in the cart, with all the groceries in disposable plastic bags inside the reusable bags.

Me: Why did you put the stuff in plastic bags? That's why I gave you reusable bags.

Bag boy: So your bags won't get dirty.

Me: That's stupid! There's nothing here that could get the bags dirty. Besides, they're washable. Why did you waste the plastic bags?

Bag boy: It's an extra service!

Me: It's stupid! The whole point of reusable bags is not to waste plastic bags!

Bag boy: (Duh expression)

I felt like punching the idiot in the mouth, but that would have upset the perfect ratio he had going between IQ points and teeth. The manager was busy actually checking out groceries, so I asked the clerk to pass on to him what had happened and how angry I was at the waste. I doubt it will do any good; this bag boy has obviously overreached the limit of his capabilities.

http://www.ktvb.com/community/blogs/maggie-omara/Boise-boy-who-stuck-his-tongue-to-the-pole-makes-national-news-78873887.html

'[Reporter] met up with 10-year-old Sam Nicholson after he was rescued by Boise firefighters. He was stuck for several minutes before the firefighters used a glass of water to free him from the pole. Fortunately, his tongue is A-OKAY. No damage to report!

'Amazingly, the same thing happened to a girl in Spokane yesterday!'

News is always so much better with exclamation marks.

My sister Beth is a 23 year old walking ball of WTF. I love her dearly, but even she can't deny some of the insanely stupid things that come out of her mouth.

( I give you Beth, in three acts: )

I emailed a file to a customer. They need to print 50 copies of it for an upcoming event.
I got a reply asking me to fax it to them because their company is currently trying to cut down on the amount of printing they do... It's for the environment. I can't help but wonder if they have a fax/printer/scanner so they can print out the fax, scan it, and then print 50 copies all with the same machine.

It's not the only stupid 'Green' excuse I get at work. I have a customer who has me print and FedEx them materials as their company is trying to cut down on printing as part of their 'Green Initiative'. So this person thinks transporting them by truck and jet plane halfway across the US, is better for the environment then me sending an email.

Some of you may remember this entry. A couple of people asked for a followup, so this is it. Plus more stupid.

The Academic Dean finished reviewing the papers this week, and they were handed back to us today in Lab. They had us line up alphabetically, and one by one, we were called into the TA's office. He went over our grade, why we got it (a legitmate reason like, "I didn't think you fully answered the question here" or for stupid reasons like, "You cheated, dumbass."). Everyone who cheated on it received a letter from the Dean placed into their permanent file (no idea of the consequences of it, but I imagine that they look at that stuff when deciding scholarships and whatnot). The papers were also graded based on the relavance to the class in their arguments. Since the link that was passed around by people had NOTHING to do with our class, most people got Zeros.

We're watching another video in lecture tomorrow, meaning that there's going to be one last precis due next week. You'd think that the people in my class would learn their lesson after this debacle, right?

Yeahhh...no.

While lined up outside of the TA's office, someone mentioned that someone else had found information on the video online and posted it to the very same chatroom monitored by the TAs and the professor and because of that, there was no real need to actually go to the lecture and watch the video. Soon people in line were passing email addresses around, trying to get the person to send them that link. Oh...and people are talking about the link in the chatroom right now too.

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Now this isn't really a mock as such, more ultimate comeuppance, but I found it hilarious and thought I'd share.

I worked at a factory. It was a secure factory, with electronically locked main doors with keycard readers to keep people who weren't meant to be there out.
I had been on break, so was heading back to the factory from the canteen in a separate building. I was followed by a female co-worker who was about to go on duty.
I reached the door, swiped my card, opened it and entered, and held it for her as she approached, as a polite person would do.

I did not expect her reaction.
She stopped outside, a look of rage on her face, and bawled: "I don't need a MAN to do EVERYTHING for me!"
Baffled and faintly annoyed, I closed the door. Which, being a security door, immediately locked.

And here be the lesson: If you're a raging crazy Feminist type and are going to scream at someone who is just being polite and trying to make your life a little bit easier by holding open a security door, MAKE SURE YOU HAVEN'T LEFT YOUR SECURITY KEYCARD AT HOME.

I haven't laughed so much in years. When another male colleague approached to open the door from inside, I informed him that she didn't need a man to do everything for her. I briefly relayed the tale, and he laughed too. We stuck around until she had to go and get the (male) security guard to open the door for her. He laughed, too.
Crazy lady? Well, she didn't look too pleased when she stormed past.

At my boyfriend's church there is this girl who's about our age (read: 20 or so).

She's wrecked around five or so cars. One of the reasons why is she thinks that if she turns on the turn signal in a car, the car will turn by itself.

UGHHHHH.

To this day, no one will park beside her car in the church parking lot.

How she passed the driver's test I'll never know.

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An employee at my office approached me with two broken staplers today. I put them on my desk to fix later and directed her to the box of orphaned staplers that have accumulated over the years. She went back to her office, and returned a few minutes later, saying the third stapler was broken too. I wasn't surprised; they're all old. She said the fourth one worked.

Near the end of the day, I decided to check the staplers for jams, opened each up, and stared unbelievingly. They ran out of staples. I refilled them, thinking it couldn't be that easy. It was.

I told the employee, "They work now," and put them all back, having decided against teaching the employee about refilling a stapler. Honestly, I'm hoping to see if she ever figures it out, or if there will be another stapler to "fix" soon. This is just too amusing; I must watch it run its course. Train wrecks like this can be fascinating.

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